If I’d Known Read online

  "Right?"

  "I'm not going to say anything," I growl. "Now get off me!"

  I try to push him, but he shoves me back against the concrete, banging my head again. I cry out, overcome with blinding pain.

  "If you do, I'll hurt you," he threatens. "I mean, really hurt you."

  "Hey! Get off my fairy princess!" Before I can react, Allie jumps on Vic's back. "Leave her alone!"

  "What the-- Get off me, you psycho!" Vic bellows as she wraps an arm around his neck and pounds his back with her fist.

  Vic steps back. I move to get out from under his arm, but he lunges forward, trapping me again. He whips the hand holding the gun over his shoulder and hits Allie on the side of the head.

  "Ow!" she yelps, releasing him and landing with a hard thud on her feet. She staggers backward, her hand cradling her head. "That hurt."

  "You asshole!" I jam my knee between his legs.

  Vic moans in pain and bends in half, cupping himself. Clasping my hands together, I swing up as hard as I can, colliding with his jaw. Vic's head flips up with a howl. He stumbles back, slamming into Allie.

  Allie pounds his arm with the sides of her fists. "You're so mean!"

  Vic reaches out and clutches Allie by the throat. She claws at his hand, making gurgling noises. As I rush toward him, he stares at me, his dark brows dipping to shadow his eyes. A malevolent, bloody smile creeps across his face, causing me to falter in my steps. If evil has a face, he's staring at me right now. I know exactly what he's about to do the second before he does it.

  "No!"

  I reach for Allie ... just as Vic tosses her down the stairs.

  Chapter Eight

  "Where's my daddy?" I ask.

  Everyone stops eating. My aunt Allison's fork clangs on her plate. I look at my mom. She doesn't say anything.

  "He's gone, baby girl," my grandmother tells me, running her hand over my head.

  A sharp cry escapes and my mom cups a hand over her mouth to trap it as tears fill her eyes. She looks like she's in so much pain.

  I never ask about my dad again.

  Allie's scream echoes throughout the stairwell 'til it's abruptly cut off when she collides with the first step. Her body continues to haphazardly tumble with thuds and clangs down the metal stairs, coming to a violent stop on the concrete landing.

  I remain frozen with my mouth gaping open in a silent scream.

  Allie doesn't make a sound--not a groan or a cry, despite the awkward angle her leg is bent beneath her. Her arms are splayed above her head. Blood slowly seeps out from under her short blond hair, pooling into a crimson halo around her head.

  "Allie?" My voice is weak, like I've been screaming this whole time.

  She doesn't move.

  I take a step, about to go to her, when a hysterical voice turns me around. "What did you do?"

  I stare into the frantic wide eyes of the girl from the fire escape, the one Allie hugged.

  "Did you ... did you push her?" But it's not really a question. It's an accusation.

  I can see the blame in her glassy-eyed stare. But she's not focused on my face; she's looking down ... at my hand clutching Allie's pink wig. I drop it like it's burning my skin. Panic begins to creep over me like crawling vines.

  "You did. You pushed her." Her words are thorns, penetrating my flesh.

  I take a step back, shaking my head. My lungs constrict, and I can't draw in enough air. This can't be happening. She stares at me like I'm some kind of monster, and I want to shrink into nothing. I take another step backward. She opens her mouth. I shake my head faster, silently begging. I continue to increase the distance between us, moving farther away from her. I need to disappear before she--

  A horrific, bloodcurdling scream vibrates throughout my bones.

  Doors click open. Two large bodies in black rush by from behind, brushing past me. Several more people enter from the fire escape. Their faces blur. I'm unable to focus. Color and voices move around me. But no one goes to her. Allie's still lying in her blood, needing someone to save her. My heart is beating so fast, I have to press my hand to the wall to stay on my feet.

  "What's wrong?" a girl asks, her attention drawn to the screaming girl, yet to notice the broken body at the bottom of the stairs.

  But the massive bouncer who first entered sees Allie and his stature changes, taking on an authoritative stance. His voice bellows, "Get them out of here!"

  The other body in black forces the small group back onto the fire escape, keeping the devastation hidden behind him. The screaming girl is sobbing now, the only one left in the stairwell ... other than me. But no one seems to notice me, except for her. She grasps the muscular arm of the bouncer closest to her, pointing ... directly at me. But he's too busy locking the door leading to the fire escape.

  The bouncer in charge lowers his voice and speaks into the cuff of his shirt, "I need the E team to stairwell five. Now."

  Air moves around me as the door behind me is shoved open again. A different guy dressed in black brushes past me.

  I slip through the opening just as I hear the lead bouncer shout orders at him, "Lock down all entrance points into this stairwell. Don't let anyone come or--"

  And then the door clicks shut, cutting him off.

  A tall, thinner, but no less intimidating, male moves in front of the closed door with his hands clasped in front of him.

  I turn and take a step into the dark, my senses overwhelmed with the sudden inundation of strobing lights and pounding bass. I stare, unfocused, and release a quivering breath. I can't feel a thing other than the frantic beat of my heart. Bodies dance seductively along the railing, arms floating in the air, hands gripping hips. I remain paralyzed by the twisting vines of panic around my limbs.

  Hands grip my shoulders. I blink up into bright blue eyes.

  "Lana? Are you okay?" Parker examines my face with concern.

  I cannot find the words to respond to his question. Am I okay? No. I am not. I am so far from being okay that I am nothing.

  He calls to me again, "Lana?"

  I fight to break free from the suffocating restraints holding me mute.

  "Parker?" I utter feebly.

  None of this feels real. I'm stuck in a slow-moving dream.

  "Are you hurt?" he asks when I continue to stand there, staring into his eyes.

  He scans my body, searching for injuries. His inspection comes to a sudden halt. Parker wraps his hands around my wrists and holds them up. A spray of blood glistens along the back of my left hand, and pink hairs are entangled around the fingers of my right. I yank free from his grip, my pulse firing rapidly.

  Parker reaches into his pocket and hands me a pressed handkerchief. I take it from him and frantically scrub at my hands, smearing red stains on the pristine white cloth.

  Raising his right cuff to his mouth, Parker talks into it, "Find my brother. Tell him I need him on the mezzanine. Now."

  I inspect my trembling hands, turning them over to make sure I'm rid of all the evidence. Parker eases the cloth from my grip, stuffing it into his pants pocket.

  He gently cups my face. "Everything's going to be okay."

  I'm lost to my hyperventilating breaths, unable to connect with what he's telling me.

  "Lana?" He forces me to focus on him. "I've got this. But you need to leave. Okay?"

  The panic is wrapping around me, tighter and tighter.

  "Don't say anything to anyone about what happened," Parker instructs.

  "But I didn't--" I begin in a rush.

  "Don't," he interrupts firmly. "Not a word."

  He thinks I did it, that I pushed her--just like the screaming girl in the stairwell.

  Parker leans in and presses a kiss to my forehead, murmuring, "I'll take care of everything."

  I take a step back, at a loss. He truly believes I'm capable of that?

  "What's going on?" Joey asks from behind Parker. "Some guy said ... "

  Parker turns to face his brother.
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br />   "Lana?" Joey looks from me to Parker. "Everything okay?"

  "No," Parker responds, his spine lengthening with his cursed Confidence. "A girl fell down the stairs. The EMTs are taking her to the hospital, but I need you and Lana to leave in case the cops show up." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a car key. "There's a door on the opposite side, downstairs. Go through it. Take the elevator to the first level. Your Jeep will be there along with your phone. I'll get her friends and meet you"--he hesitates for a moment--"at the golf course. Wait for me."

  Parker looks to me again, caressing my cheek, "Say nothing."

  Joey takes hold of my hand. "I've got her."

  Parker looks down at our clasped hands and scowls.

  In the next second, Joey is guiding me along the mezzanine. I look back just as Parker disappears through the black door leading to the stairwell, talking into his cuff.

  Joey navigates us down the stairs and around the perimeter of the crowded dance floor. Bodies brush by in a streak of color and jostling of flesh. I can't focus on anything other than the hand holding mine and the blue shirt in front of me.

  When we reach the black door concealed in the dark corner, Joey knocks and an unseen hand immediately opens it. It falls closed behind us after we pass through. A tall guy with a blond buzz cut stands behind it silently. He struts over to what looks like a closed garage door and pulls on a strap, revealing a freight elevator. We enter and the door comes crashing down behind us, shutting us off from the booming music and chattering voices.

  Within the quiet box, the inner chaos overtakes me--Vic's threats, Allie's fall, the girl's screaming, Parker's warning ... I collapse against the wall, my unfocused eyes trained on the floor. My mind is whirling. My pulse is thrumming. I clench my shaking fists and concentrate on breathing, trying to free myself of panic's strong hold.

  "Lana." Joey's voice finds me, firm and soothing.

  I lift my head.

  Joey has the elevator control in his hand, his eyes steadied on me. He doesn't say anything for a moment, just holds me in his brilliant blue gaze.

  "Nothing bad's going to happen to you, I promise." He sounds so certain, like he has the ability to control our fate. "Do you believe me?"

  I blink away the tears stinging my eyes and swallow against the lump lodged in my throat. "It's too late."

  I cover my eyes with a hand, wanting to hide from the cruel reality. Images too real and graphic to ever forget ... Allie sprawled motionless, her blood seeping into the concrete around her. The cold disconnect in Vic's eyes just before he shoved her. And me, standing above Allie with her bright pink wig clenched in my fist, unable to move. Then there's that scream ... that high-pitch, horror-movie scream. I swear it's still ringing in my ears.

  And I left Allie ... at the bottom of those stairs. I abandoned her. I should have stayed with her. I don't even know if she was still breathing.

  "We need to go back. I need to make sure she's still alive," I plead, strangling a sob.

  "The girl? You were there?" His tone is gentle.

  I nod. "It was Allie, the girl from the truck. I tried ... " My voice breaks as I struggle to speak. "I tried to reach her before he pushed her, but I couldn't."

  "Who pushed her?" Joey asks cautiously.

  "Vic." His name escapes before I can capture it. I bite my lip to keep from saying more.

  I'm not usually this careless. I blame my chemically altered state for allowing the honesty to slip out. This isn't me. I don't overreact like this. I'm the one who holds it together when shit gets bad. But right now, I don't have control over my mind or my body, no matter how hard I fight for it.

  Joey's quiet. I watch him carefully, attempting to read the contemplation reflected in his eyes. I try to convince myself that this wasn't a secret I needed to keep. Vic isn't someone I need to protect. But Joey is. And now that he knows the truth, I'm not sure what he'll do with it.

  Joey drops the elevator control and slowly walks to me, encircling me in his arms. As soon as he touches me, my breath evens out and the crushing sensation in my chest releases. I squeeze him tight, burying my face in his shoulder, but I don't allow myself to cry. He holds me until the tension in my muscles dissipates and the shaking subsides. His lips press against my temple, and the last tendrils of panic fall away.

  I tip my head up.

  Joey brushes a strand of hair from my cheek. "There's nothing you can do if we go back. Parker said they were taking her to the hospital. Let's wait and find out if she's okay before we decide what to do, alright?"

  I nod, convinced leaving is the best option. He wraps his arms around me one more time, giving me the strength I need to stand on my own before he lets go.

  "Ready to get out of here?"

  "Yeah," I breathe out, feeling calmer.

  Joey pushes the button to lower the elevator, and when he opens it, we step out into a kind of parking lot on the ground floor, presumably for everyone working here. Joey's red Jeep is at the far end, parked in front of the large sliding doors. Holding my hand, he weaves through the maze of cars until we reach it. Joey's cell phone is on the driver's seat. Mine isn't here. I hope Parker will know to bring it with him. I can't afford to lose it.

  Two guys in black slide the giant barnlike metal doors open. Joey starts up the Jeep. I half-expect to see red and blue strobes flashing from an ambulance or a police car, but I'm not really surprised when I don't.

  Just before Joey pulls forward, a black van flies by the entrance. Joey and I exchange a silent glance, knowing that Allie must be in that van.

  Just like the door we entered in the corner of the club, the private garage entrance slides shut behind us as soon as we pull out. We drive through The Point in the dark. Joey doesn't turn on the headlights until we pass the gates and reach the road.

  We don't say anything as we drive along the deserted, winding road. I stare out at nothing. The Jeep's top is off and the wind whips loose strands of hair around my head. Joey hands me a sweatshirt when I shiver. I take it from him and slip it on, inhaling the detergent combined with his distinct scent--a mixture of grass and rain.

  I lean my forehead against the window, my thoughts continuing to jump around. I close my eyes and inhale deeply. This day should never have happened.

  I can sit here and dissect everything I could have done differently from the moment I woke up. But I know everything that's gone wrong tonight is because of Vic.

  I clench my jaw so tight, my teeth feel like they might shatter. If I ever see him again, I'm going to kill him.

  "Why was Vic with you tonight?"

  Joey glances at me quickly before looking back to the road. "You don't have to worry. Parker won't bring him to the country club."

  "That's not why I'm asking."

  Joey shifts uncomfortably. "We're not friends, like I said. We go to the same boarding school. His mother died of cancer a few months ago, and my father asked me to ... I don't know, make sure he's okay. My family knows his family. Our fathers went to college together."

  "Did you know he was a psychopath?"

  "No!" Joey answers adamantly, turning his head to me. "He's not the nicest guy, but I never would've believed he'd push a girl down the stairs. Or that he'd bring a gun. I'm really sorry, Lana, for everything he's done."

  "It's not your fault," I reply quietly, sinking into the seat. "His father ... is he ... powerful?" I have to know what I'm up against since I seem to be the only witness to the truth.

  "Vic lives with his grandfather," Joey responds carefully.

  When he doesn't say more, I silently urge him to answer the question.

  Joey nods regretfully. "He has a lot of connections. He'll cover this up before Vic is accused of anything. That's why I said we should wait to see what happens with Allie before we decide what to do. If it comes down to his word against yours, it won't be good."

  I laugh humorlessly. "Of course, because the truth never wins." I say this more to myself than to Joey. I turn away from him
, the muscles in my jaw knotting up again.

  The engine whirring and the tires crunching along the dirt road fill the silence. Staring out the side window, I attempt to focus on our surroundings for the first time since we veered off Sherling's paved roads. I have no idea where we are. It's dark. There aren't any streetlights ... or houses. Just woods. The forest appears endless. The tall silhouettes feel like they're closing in around us.

  I've never been outside of Sherling before tonight. That town has a way of trapping people within its borders. They're deceived into believing their miserable existence is an inescapable sentence of minimum wage jobs and child support payments.

  I can't say I'm convinced there's something better waiting for me outside Sherling, but I refuse to be another one of its stories--predictable and meaningless, doomed to repeat itself. Always the same ending. But, after tonight, I don't think I'll have a say in what happens to me. Maybe I never did.

  Parker's words find their way back to me in the quiet. "Say nothing."

  I know he didn't tell me this to protect me. If Parker really believes I pushed Allie, then he knows I'd never admit to it. And Vic isn't the reason either. He didn't even know Vic was with us. And then I remember how he took charge of everything. Insisting Joey leave with me. Confident Allie would be taken to the hospital. Securing our quick exit with just a few words spoken into his cuff.

  Parker needs my silence to protect himself.

  "Parker's one of the organizers, isn't he?"

  Joey hesitates before responding. "You know I can't say anything," he says, concern evident on his face.

  But I don't need Joey to confirm it. I know. Parker's always been one to take risks in the name of success. He's cursed with Confidence. Failure has never been an option for him. He was our source of amphetamines a couple summers ago when we first started doing everything our parents told us not to. I've heard he's had his hands in other recreational habits as well. He's discreet, so I don't know anything for certain. He's been good at keeping a low profile while being successful at whatever he does. Apparently, he's been busy moving up in the world--fast.

  "I won't tell anyone," I promise. "But if the police find out he's one of the people running an illegal club, then ... "

  "It would be really bad for him, especially if someone got seriously hurt," Joey finishes, his meaning understood.